Dr. Daloz starts off the 1st chapter of the book by explaining simply what mentoring is all about. He says that most people learn more outside of the classroom than inside it. I think we call this experience. He felt that education doesn't need to level off after high school. The problem with adults is that they may need a little more assistance is moving down that right path. When I say assistance, it's not a career planner, but a sounding board.
Dr. Daloz explains mentoring very simply as the following: The key to the success of a mentorship relationship is not asking, how do we influence our student? The key is a question about a relationship, where are our students going, and who are we for them in their journey? The mentor is there is assist the student in anyway that they need to. The mentor is not there to tell the student what to do. They are there to provide a guiding light.
In the 1st chapter, Dr. Daloz introduces Emerald, a student of his who is having trouble with setting a program course for herself. Throughout the exchange, not once does Dr. Daloz give his opinion to Emerald. All he does is ask questions, and sees how she answers them. With many adults, Emerald was voicing her thoughts, and not particularly looking for a solution for her problem. Dr. Daloz has realized, through his years of experience, that the mentor relationship is sensitive. There is a fine line between mentor and guidance counselor. A mentor is there because they have been there, done that, and has built the trust of the student they are working with. They can easily lose the student if they cross that line. So far, Dr. Daloz is maintaining his role as mentor.
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Hi, Jake:
ReplyDeleteYou said: "Throughout the exchange, not once does Dr. Daloz give his opinion to Emerald. All he does is ask questions, and sees how she answers them."
My first observation is that withholding opinions and only asking questions takes incredible self-restraint. Some people may naturally be very good at it, but I have to make a conscious effort.
The other observation I have is that I wonder if there are generally different styles of mentoring based on gender. As I was reading your post, I thought of "Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus." Granted, not a scholarly work, but I remember the author making the point that men tend to think people are talking to them because they want the man to solve the problem or offer his opinion. Women talk to each other more to process information.
These are huge generalizations, but I wonder about individuals' experiences with their mentors. For instance, my husband's favorite mentor was his football coach. Most high school football coaches I'm familiar with are very free with their opinions. They don't ask questions. They give orders. Nevertheless, this person's wisdom is meaningful to my husband over 20 years later. Hmmmm....
It sounds to me like a Socratic method, what a better way of motivating the student to "think". On the other hand, and agreeing with Kristina, some people just does not know how to follow such system. How can a coach coach if there is not player to play!!
ReplyDeleteDr. Daloz asks questions and leaves his opinion out because he wants the individual to make the decisions for themselves. He feel that he is not there to persuade anyone to do anything. He feels that his jobs is to ask questions to get the person to reflect and look at themselves in a different light.
ReplyDeleteEvery mentor is different. Some are more opinionated, and lead that way. While others are more willing to let the mentee take their decisions and go with them. More of a guidance role.